last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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