So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
