so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
