Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
