Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
