People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
