I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
