I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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