i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
