I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize