Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
