I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
