Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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