My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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