Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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