how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
