why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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