Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
