It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
