how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
