I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize