my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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