There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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