a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
