apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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