Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
