Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
