I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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