According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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