dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
