Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The feeling are messing with the penis
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
