you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
