I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
