i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Randomize