You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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