Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
