i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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