Me. At least after what I've been through.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
