You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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