so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
