i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
