I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
