Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
