I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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