They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
