i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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