Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
