Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
