I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
