Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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