I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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