I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
