question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I need to calm my uterus...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
