i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
