I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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