I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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