I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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