I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize