I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
