A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How does one acquire holy water?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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