no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Everything about him screamed your future.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
