I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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