twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just gargled with NyQuil
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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