i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
