North Korea, Best Korea!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
