ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
