it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
